One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest

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The Merit of Six Figures Student Loan Balance

I went to the graduation ceremony at my alma mater, the University of Chicago, this afternoon. After stuffing my face with fru-fru finger foods and champagne, I was ready to mingle...

The first target was the Professors. I lied to them. I told them that their teaching was highly useful for my job; that I applied their wisdom everyday at work. Then I told them that I worked as a janitor at Goldman Sachs.

The second target was the recent grads. I told them dismal stories on how most of the recent alums were jobless, fat, had bad skin, and were contemplating suicide. I also told them that I hold on to my job because I smooched my boss' left buttcheek in the morning and the right one in the evening.

The third target was the alums. I told them to tell the same dismal stories to the recent grads.