Is it me? Or is it not me? The last two guys who went out with me were Catholic Priests. The fact that many priests are gay is not new to me. Even one great philosopher -- Margaret Cho -- once said that the Pope is a big 'mo, considering he wears a cape and lives in a mansion filled with antiques and single men.But the question remains. Why me? Am I the reincarnation of Mary Magdalene? Do I look like I need to be saved? Am I a priest magnet?
The first guy in my line-up approached me at a party and made small talk. From a mutual friend, I knew all along that he was a priest. I didn't shrug him off. The temptation to seduce a priest -- just like what Meggie Cleary did in The Thorn Birds -- overcame my rational self. He had a hairy chest, which made the job easier.
We dated for three weeks until I realized this guy was a playah! He was celibate for a good decade. I guessed the testosterone build-up turned him into a horny date machine. I learned that he was dating at least one other guy while dating me. He's in his sexual prime... a decade late!
The second guy left the seminary because he got bored jerking off to himself in front of the mirror. I'm kidding. He left after learning that many gay priests sleep with men because they interpret that the vow of celibacy only applies to a “marriage,” hence a heterosexual relationship.
D'oh!
What about sticking a dick into a butt, aka. buttloving? Isn't there a whole chapter in the bible banning it? That was the second guy's point. He's from the "taking-it-all" school of thoughts. In addition to taking all of my dick in his mouth, he also believes that one should not pick and choose what the priesthood dictates.
In my view, being a Catholic Priest is just an attribute. It's no different if he were a fireman, a CPA, or a porn star. It's just a job with its own pluses and minuses. I wasn't engulfed with guilt when I frenched a priest.
After the first guy, I realized that I don't think I can date priests. The fact that they're priests didn't bother me.
So, why then?
It's the brunch thing. I can't date anyone who has to work during brunch hours on Sundays.
